Money makes the world go ‘round.

Money is the source of all evil.
Money is a primary source of arguments in marriages.
Yes, money matters and we need to teach our kids how to handle their nickels, dimes, loonies and toonies. Is an allowance the answer and if so how should it be handled?
Today we’re going to take a look at the question of allowances for our children. How much? When? For what?

But before we get to talk money, I want to invite you to tune into www.cjob.com for a live interview on Friday evening (May 17) at 6pm pacific time with Stephanie Staples of Your Life Unlimited. It will also be archived. I look forward to speaking to you directly.

Mom, Can I Have Five Dollars?

Mom, I need money for lunch.” “Dad can you buy me a chocolate bar?” Ever feel like you spend all day with your hand in your pocket doling out money for one thing and another? 
And, to make it worse, the kids seem to think there’s an unending supply. How are they ever going to learn about responsible money management?
That’s the role of an allowance. Allowances teach kids how to handle money, which is an essential skill in today’s world. Children should start receiving an allowance from a young age.
Paul Lermitte, author of Allowances, Dollars and Sense suggests that Sunday evening be allowance time. He points out that if we give it to them Friday evening or Saturday morning they will spend it on the weekend. Giving it to them Sunday means they have to make it last the week if they want to have cash to spend the following weekend. Many families divide allowances into three sections. Money to save, money to charity or church and money to spend. The money to spend is theirs. If they choose, they can blow it. Let’s say that during the week they go out and spend their money on junk food. Saturday they want to go to a movie. 
But, the money has all been spent and they won’t get another allowance until tomorrow. A responsible parent will allow them to miss the movie. A loan will not help them learn how to handle money. An occasional loan, as long as it’s truly a loan, is fine but if you find yourself constantly doling out money and having to keep track of the money owed, one of two things is happening. Your child needs some help learning how to manage her cash or you need to reconsider the size of her allowance.
A great advantage for you is that an allowance can get you out of many fights about money. Once your child has an allowance, he doesn’t need to bug you every time he wants some cash and if he runs out, that’s his problem and he’ll have to wait until the next allowance day.
In every group I have ever addressed the question about chores arises. Should an allowance be tied into chores?
My answer is no. When we pay kids for regular tasks needed in order to run a household, we teach them that they should expect to be remunerated for anything they do (what’s in it for me?). They also have an absolute right to decide not to do any chores and simply not take the money. If they get a job at a fast food place or start babysitting for example, they will learn they can make better money elsewhere. And because we’ve told them that we are paying them for the work they do, they can certainly decide to go where the money is better.
Children should receive a portion of your disposable income simply by being family members and in order to learn money management. It is not their job as kids to earn money, it’s their job to grow up and go to school.
Chores teach kids that it takes work to run a household; they learn how to do the work so that when they are out on their own they will be capable and they learn that they have a role in the running of the household and are needed for the contribution they make to family.
Okay, so I have you convinced. Now, how much should they receive?
Sit down and make a list of what they will use the money for. A good way to figure that out is to pay attention for a week and note every time you give your child money and/or when you buy things for them. Now, what of those things would you like them to handle on their own?
Consider, treats, toys, recreation, school lunches, cell phone bills, transit etc. It may take a few tries to get it right and certainly the older the child, the more responsibility you can give them for handling their own needs.
I am also a big fan of a clothing allowance once a child is about fourteen. Boy, does that end a lot of fights! And when you do that, the kids think underwear and socks are great gifts. For big purchases like coats, sporting equipment or snow boots you can work out a percentage that they pay.
And if your child has an amazing growth spurt over the summer and suddenly has no school clothing a growth bonus is in order.
The trick is to have the kids involved in determining a budget and if they want a raise in allowance, they need to bring the numbers to you.
Managing money is a life-long skill and the more experience and knowledge they develop when they are children, the easier the financial responsibilities of adulthood.

How Can I Find Kathy?
Do you want to arrange a parenting event and save money on the travel expenses? It’s simple. I will let you know my travel plans and you can take advantage of the fact that I will be in your town and keen to work with you and the parents or professionals in your life.
I am going to be in Calgary in early June and in Red Deer Alberta in mid July and can easily adapt my schedule to fit your needs.
I will also be traveling along the Pacific Northwest in Washington and Oregon in June.
I look forward to hearing from you.

Bringing Parenting Today to your event.
Parenting Today is keen to speak as part of your professional development event, parenting workshop or workplace wellness support program. I offer keynotes and workshops, have written books and have ongoing newspaper columns, books, blogs and newsletters. And, no matter what the actual topic, they all share a basic value that I call:

P.U.R.E. Parenting.
P — is a parenting plan
U — is unconditional love
R — is respect for your child as he is right now
E — is encouragement
These make up the framework of any resources that will come from Parenting Today. These four pillars are the essential ingredients for raising healthy children who will develop into capable young men and women.

A New E-Book
Why is it that Jeremy and Olivia who are siblings are so different? Every child is unique and usually shows their particular temperament right from birth. What’s a parent to do?
Watch for a new e-book due out in July called Vive la Difference; Raising Children with Different Temperaments.
You’ll find out in this newsletter the minute it is available

We all hope that we can avoid dealing with a child throwing a tantrum. Well, maybe you can but most parents have stories about the day their little darling had a meltdown at the mall, at Grandma’s house or in the car.

What is going on for your child when they have a tantrum and what can you do to handle the situation?

As well as talking about tantrums, you can find out about my schedule and whether my travels can coordinate with your interest in a workshop or professional development event.

And shortly Parenting Today will have a new e-book on the market. Check it out at the end of this article.

 Temper Tantrums – - Only for Toddlers?

 We are not surprised when we hear that a toddler lost it over some seemingly insignificant event. Temper tantrums are pretty typical behaviour for a toddler and are most often the result of frustration. Two-year-olds have a strong belief in themselves as they assert, “I can do it myself!” When they try to do everything they want, they simply can’t. So they lose it.

Tantrums can often be prevented. It’s a good idea to allow children a certain amount of independence and success. Choose clothing that is easy for them to put on, get sturdy stools, which permit them to reach the sink to wash their own hands and put toys on low shelves. These all help them to feel competent and reduce their frustration. The more they can do for themselves, the better they’ll feel about themselves.

Little ones who are tired or hungry are more likely to over-react. Children who have a schedule, are fed on time and have regular naps are less likely to have tantrums. It’s easy for little ones to get over-tired and be unable to handle themselves. It’s up to us to read the signals and act before there’s a problem.

Of course, we can’t prevent all tantrums. During the tantrum the best thing you can do is keep an eye on him so he doesn’t hurt himself. Then just let it happen. Don’t try to talk to him. He can’t hear.

There’s a point at which you’re likely to see a change in the tantrum One minute he’s raging and the next he’s looking scared. Now he needs you because he isn’t sure he can stop. Hold him and reassure him that he’s going to be okay and help him settle himself. With toddlers, once it’s over just move on.

Sometimes a tantrum is a way to relieve stress. They may use some little incident to blow off some steam. We do the same thing when we find ourselves blowing up over some little thing or crying at a movie.

The trick is to pay attention. When is he most likely to have a tantrum? What can you do to prevent it?

One of our readers recently noted that we know tantrums are typical behavior for toddlers. But what can you do if your preschooler is throwing a tantrum. How is that different?It would be nice to think that turning three means and end to tantrums. But it’s not that easy. However, while there are similarities, there are also differences.

I remember a five-week, cross-Canada car trip we took when our kids were young. One evening we pulled into Winnipeg, we were later than usual and having trouble finding a place to stay. Finally, we got a room. Now, in this room there was a long, dark red wall. Boy was it red! Being tired, hungry and frustrated the wall acted as a catalyst as the whole family watched one of us experienced a complete meltdown. Under the circumstances it was understandable. It would, however have been more appropriate had it been one of the children. But no, it was Mom and I really lost it. My husband took the correct action. He bundled the kids back into the car and they headed out to find food while I calmed down. After dinner it was all funny and today it is still a family legend.

So, when we’re hungry, tired and frustrated we can all lose it. Problem is, that once our kids are three-years-old we think it’s all over and forget to monitor our kids they way we did when they were younger. Make sure you’re paying attention to their schedule and their needs. They need to have meals and naps on time.

Before we continue to talk about preventing tantrums in our preschoolers, let’s take a look at what we can do when they occur. First, move them from the source of the problem. Take them to another room or at least a quiet corner. If they’ll let you hold them do so. Then feed them. With this, just like I did in the Winnipeg motel, they will be able to regain control. You can talk to preschoolers after a few minutes have passed. Unlike toddlers, they can remember what happened and you can help her learn how to let you know when she is about to lose it, how to use language to express her upset and ways to handle her stress. So you can teach her to say, “I need a break right now.” or “I’m really hungry, can I have a snack.”

While toddlers become frustrated because they just can’t do everything they thought they could, preschoolers become upset when their moves toward independence are thwarted. You think the green sweater would be perfect but your child has her heart set on the blue one. The choice is yours. Allow her to assert her independence and wear the blue one or spend your time both trying to force her into the green one and handling the subsequent tantrum. The more she feels in control of her environment, the happier and calmer she will be.

With toddlers you need to control their environment to prevent tantrums, but you can prepare preschoolers ahead of time by letting them know your expectations. “At the store you can choose a cereal but not a sugary one. You cannot have any candy at the check-our counter.” She can be expected to remember that or hear when you remind her at the store.

Avoid major problem areas. She hates going to the mall. Leave her with her dad, grandparents or arrange babysitting when you go.

Finally make sure she has lots of outlets for her frustration and her anger. Lots of large-muscle, outdoor play activity will help her to handle herself in a way that will please both of you.

How Can I Find Kathy?

 Do you want to arrange a parenting event and save money on the travel expenses? It’s simple. I will let you know my travel plans and you can take advantage of the fact that I will be in your town and keen to work with you and the parents or professionals in your life.

I am going to be in Ottawa in early May, in Calgary in early June and in Red Deer Alberta in mid July and can easily adapt my schedule to fit your needs.

I will also be traveling along the Pacific Northwest in Washington and Oregon in June.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Bringing Parenting Today to your event.

Parenting Today is keen to speak as part of your professional development event, parenting workshop or workplace wellness support program. I offer keynotes and workshops, have written books and have ongoing newspaper columns, books, blogs and newsletters. And, no matter what the actual topic, they all share a basic value that I call:

 P.U.R.E. Parenting.

P — is a parenting plan

U — is unconditional love

R — is respect for your child as he is right now

E — is encouragement

These make up the framework of any resources that will come from Parenting Today. These four pillars are the essential ingredients for raising healthy children who will develop into capable young men and women.

A New E-Book

 Why is it that Jeremy and Olivia who are siblings are so different? Every child is unique and usually shows their particular temperament right from birth. What’s a parent to do?

Watch for a new e-book due out in July called Vive la Difference; Raising Children with Different Temperaments.

You’ll find out in this newsletter the minute it is available.

If you wonder what I thought, here goes”

I am parenting author and speaker. My first book is Who’s In Charge Anyway? so it would seem reasonable that this title would attract me. After all, it’s all about doing the job of parenting and letting the kids know that there is a responsible adult (or two) in charge.

Okay, so she does that and it’s supposed to be funny. But, I was totally put off with her put down of fathers. I have been in this business for 35 years and the change in the roles and responsibilities of Dads in the parenting world has been enormous. They are very much the other parent, the work with the Moms and raise the kids together. It’s awesome.

I am also put off by the use of punishment to simply stop the unwanted behaviours. There was no move to teaching kids why they need to change or the reasons for the rules. The goal is to simply make them uncomfortable so they don’t do it (whatever it is bugging the “Boss” that day) again.

I am not at all a ‘laissez-faire’ parent or a helicopter. I absolutely believe kids should be taking responsibility for their actions the for the work of running the house as they are ready.

But I am not a fan of the approach in this book.

There are a lot of advantages of having one child. An obvious one is financial; raising children is expensive. In my book, But Nobody Told Me I’d Ever Have to Leave Home, I note that because parents spend a great deal of time speaking to an only child, she’s likely to be articulate and may relate more easily to adults.

But today, we are going to talk about siblings. If you have one child, what are the considerations if you are planning on having a second?

It’s important to make a reasoned decision, determine what is best for you and your family and whatever you decide will be right for you.

What is your experience? Add your comment to this post, I’d love to hear from you.

At the end of this article, take a look at my travel plans, they may fit with your needs.

Is One Enough For You?

It was a beautiful day in May of 1954.  I was walking home from school when a car stopped and the driver asked if I wanted a ride.  I said yes. The driver was my father and the passenger my mother.  But what riveted my attention was the infant in the arms of my mother.  (This was long before the days of seat belts and infant car seats).

It was my little sister.  I have never forgotten my first look at her.  I was anxious to get home so I could hold her.  I fell in love with her instantly.  I was eight years old at the time and this baby was the fourth child to come into our family.  But she was the first one I remember from infancy.

Today many families are choosing to have only one child because of economics, time and energy and the later age of mother’s first pregnancy.  But some parents are wondering. “Should I have a second child?”  They can find books and articles on having an only child but find it difficult to find something addressing the question of having more than one. What are the possible implications of deciding to have two, three or even more children?

Group Activities

You can organize group activities without having to extend an invitation to other children.  An only child needs to invite a friend in order to participate in any activity calling for more than one child; kids with siblings have companionship right there in the same house,

In our home amateur theatrical productions were the order of the day.  We still giggle about our Christmas concerts.  As the oldest, I was, of course the producer, director and usually got the starring role (after a rigorous audition during which I, in my role as director, made the only possible choice: Kathy as the star).  There were times when we expanded our cast to include our friends, but without having practiced the art of home-based theatre it wouldn’t have happened.

Length of Relationship

Our siblings know us through our successes and failures, through puberty and menopause, through our careers, retirement and grandparenthood.  The longest relationships we will have are those with our siblings.  And as we age, the depth and importance of our sibling relationships increase.  A study has shown that in middle age 68% of adults say they feel extremely close to their siblings and by the time they are seniors the percentage increases to 83%.

Sharing

Growing up with siblings can teach your child to share, to compromise, to respect differences and to problem-solve.

The Issue of Fighting

Okay, this sharing stuff doesn’t always come easy.  So, what about the bickering, quarrelling and squabbling?  The supreme irony is that sibling conflict often takes place with such abandon simply because of family security.  Siblings can interact with little inhibition.  It’s tough on parents but it gives kids a chance to test the limits of anger, jealousy, love and humour with safe peers — their brothers and sisters.  Without the chance to test their relationships it is often more difficult for kids to learn about the give-and-take involved in friendships.

What About Time?

Children thrive on one-on-one time with their parents but for most parents, time is at a premium and splitting it among two or three kids can seem overwhelming.  What we have forgotten is that kids aren’t looking for super-special time.  They just like to be with us, so if we get one child to help fold the laundry and the other to work with us as we prepare dinner the problem is solved.

And, kids with siblings can not only rely on us for family companionship and confidant, they can also lean on each other.

How Many is Best?

How many do you want?  What feels right for you?  One child is the perfect number for many families and if that works for you, it’s exactly right.  If you want two or three or more, it’s your choice.

I have two children and my husband and I wanted two children.  So we’re lucky, it worked perfectly for us.

How Can I Find Kathy?

 Do you want to arrange a parenting event and save money on the travel expenses? It’s simple. I will let you know my travel plans and you can take advantage of the fact that I will be in your town and keen to work with you and the parents or professionals in your life.I am going to be in Ottawa in early May and in Calgary in early June and in Red Deer in July and can easily adapt my schedule to fit your needs.

I will also be traveling along the Pacific Northwest in Washington and Oregon in June.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Bringing Parenting Today to your event.

Parenting Today is keen to speak as part of your professional development event, parenting workshop or workplace wellness support program. I offer keynotes and workshops, have written books and have ongoing newspaper columns, books, blogs and newsletters. And, no matter what the actual topic, they all share a basic value that I call:

P.U.R.E. Parenting.

P — is a parenting plan

U — is unconditional love

R — is respect for your child as he is right now

E — is encouragement

These make up the framework of any resources that will come from Parenting Today. These four pillars are the essential ingredients for raising healthy children who will develop into capable young men and women.

Food is essential to life and you would think that getting kids to eat would be a no-brainer.

But, we all know that it isn’t. So what’s going on and what can you do about it?

“I Hate Peas!”

Mention mealtime around a group of Moms of toddlers and they all roll their eyes. He’ll only eat grilled cheese sandwiches, she hates all vegetables, he just plays with his food, and none of it gets into her mouth. As the Moms exchange their mealtime stories, other parents nod in agreement. If nothing else, it’s good to know that more toddlers are picky eaters than not.

What’s going on with these kids? They are at a stage of development where they are trying to move to a new level of independence. But, being toddlers, there just isn’t that many opportunities for them to take control of their lives. So they decide to control what they will and will not eat.

A wise parent shrugs and allows the toddler to make her food choices. Mind you that doesn’t mean becoming a short order cook. It does mean offering nutritious meals and letting her decide whether or not to eat. A little later in this article I’ll give you some ideas for helping our picky toddlers get a well balanced diet.

Toddlers seem to eat nothing because their need for food is much less than when they were babies. As infants it seemed that they did nothing but eat. They were growing at an alarming rate and needed to continually fuel their growing bodies. Now their growth rate has slowed considerably. Often, parents will find that the child who seemed to eat nothing for months is suddenly devouring everything in sight. Then they notice that this little one is in the middle of a growth spurt and needs more food.

Typically young children have one meal that they favour. And that meal is usually either breakfast or lunch. Problem is, we tend to fixate on what they eat at dinnertime and even for good eaters this is generally the time they will eat the least. Identify the time of day your child is most willing to eat and offer the most nutritious meal at that time. It’s okay to feed a child a supper menu in the morning if that’s what works.

It helps to make food fun. Toddlers love to be part of everything that’s going on in the family so make sure you all sit down and eat together. Having two-year-old Jayden eat by himself is not going to encourage him to eat well but having him join you will. On the other hand he simply can’t sit and visit for a long time so call him to the table when his food is cut and ready to eat. It’s a good idea to use side plates for toddlers so that his small helpings don’t look so lost on the plate. Toddlers have tiny tummies (about the size of their fist) so servings need to be small. A serving of vegetables for young children is one tablespoon per year of age. Now, doesn’t that make it easier to ensure that they are getting the requisite number of servings of fruit and vegetables?

Toddlers like interesting shapes. Cut their bread or cheese into triangles or circles for a change of pace. They also love nibbley food and dips, so veggies with a yogurt, tofu or cottage cheese dip are often a real favorite.

You can also learn to be sneaky. Grated or pureed fruit and vegetables can be hidden in a favourite spaghetti sauce or pudding. Top veggies with melted cheese and all they see is the cheese. Or add fruit to pancakes or muffins.

Dessert shouldn’t be a bribe or reward. If you are serving dessert it’s part of the meal. When we use dessert as a bribe it seems that there is something wrong with the main course, which you just need to choke it down to get to the good stuff. Here’s an interesting thought. It’s not necessary to have a sweet at the end of every meal. Make dessert a rare treat rather than a regular event. It will be better for you too!

Bottom line, relax. If he’s active and alert he’d doing fine and once he gets a little older and starts growing again his appetite will also increase.

How Can I Book Kathy?

 Do you want to arrange a parenting event and save money on the travel expenses? It’s simple. I will let you know my travel plans and you can take advantage of the fact that I will be in your town and keen to work with you and the parents or professionals in your life.

I am going to be in Ottawa in early May and in Calgary in early June and can easily adapt my schedule to fit your needs.

I will also be traveling along the Pacific Northwest in Washington and Oregon in June.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Bringing Parenting Today to your event.

Parenting Today is keen to speak as part of your professional development event, parenting workshop or workplace wellness support program. I offer keynotes and workshops, have written books and have ongoing newspaper columns, books, blogs and newsletters. And, no matter what the actual topic, they all share a basic value that I call:

P.U.R.E. Parenting.

P — is a parenting plan

U — is unconditional love

R — is respect for your child as he is right now

E — is encouragement

These make up the framework of any resources that will come from Parenting Today. These four pillars are the essential ingredients for raising healthy children who will develop into capable young men and women.

Today, parenting information is everywhere and it can be a challenge for parents, for workplace wellness directors and for meeting planners for determine who would be a qualified, credible speaker for their event.

There are two things that you can easily check. First, if you are looking for a facilitator, trainer or keynoter; determine if they are members of their professional speakers association. In Canada, that means CAPS (Canadian Association of Professional Speakers.) To check in other countries go to the Global Speakers Federation site and find their members.

Second, check to see if they carry the appropriate accreditation. We will talk about that in the following article.

 But What Are Your Credentials?

 It’s a good question and an important one. Whether you’re looking for a home handyman, family physician, bookkeeper or parenting skills trainer, you need to ask.

Unfortunately the history of parenting programs is not stellar when it comes to credentials. Some people leading groups took a course, bought the workbook and started to lead a course. Some had complimentary but not specific training. Examples of this include therapists and life coaches of all stripes. So, how do you determine whether a potential speaker has the credentials?

Let’s first look at the three most common unqualified speakers in the field. The first are parents who took a course, believe in the material and started to teach or facilitate groups. They are well-meaning and likely also doing some good work, but they are not trained in running groups or in the actual content. They can easily end up inadvertently straying into fields beyond their competence and can end up doing more harm than good. Teaching parenting material is a skill requiring training.

Psychologists and therapists would seem like a good choice. It takes years of university education to complete a psychology degree. They are well-educated people. And in order to practice psychology, one must be licensed.  So what’s the problem? Psychologists are trained to help mentally and emotionally distressed people and people going through traumas such as death in the family, illness or divorce. Parenting skills training is not about any sort of dysfunction, but is simply a way to learn how to raise typical, healthy children. Having a psychologist speak about parenting or lead a program can give the message that only those dealing with very serious problems need apply. Then all the parents dealing with the daily reality of temper tantrums, toilet training, picky eaters or trying to get kids to do their homework will stay away because they need advice, not therapy.

Increasingly life coaches are joining the groups of those offering parenting materials. Life coaches are trained to listen and observe and help the client to find within themselves the skills and resources they need to move forward. It is not part of their training or mandate to teach specific skills in any area including parenting.

It makes sense that professionals who work with children and families would be interested in parenting. And certainly social workers, librarians, physicians, therapists and coaches may well decide to train to speak and write on parenting. They could then apply for the accreditation.

Parenting skills training or parenting education teaches specific skills and strategies for raising children. Parenting is a challenging and an important job and one for which we need training. There isn’t a university degree or a college program giving credentials for doing this work. But there is a national accreditation program. It is a recognized and formal process for certifying those offering family life education programs including parenting.  When you are looking for a speaker, workshop leader or consultant, check for their credentials. They will have earned the Certified Canadian Family Educator designation and you can know that they are qualified to deal with typical families and healthy kids. Their stories and examples will be about regular people. And they will have the training to give your participants skills, strategies and advice to make their job easier.

It’s easy. Does any potential speaker at your conference or in your workplace have the initials C.C.F.E. after their name? If so, consider hiring them.  Kathy Lynn. B.A., C.C.F.E.

How Can I Find Kathy?

 Do you want to arrange a parenting event and save money on the travel expenses?  It’s simple. I will let you know my travel plans and you can take advantage of the fact that I will be in your town and keen to work with you and the parents or professionals in your life. I am going to be in Ottawa in early May and in Calgary in early June and can easilty adapt my schedule to fit your needs.

I will also be traveling along the Pacific Northwest in Washington and Oregon in June.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Bringing Parenting Today to your event.

Parenting Today is keen to speak as part of your professional development event, parenting workshop or workplace wellness support program. I offer keynotes and workshops, have written books and have ongoing newspaper columns, books, blogs and newsletters. And, no matter what the actual topic, they all share a basic value that I call:

P.U.R.E. Parenting.

P — is a parenting plan

U — is unconditional love

R — is respect for your child as he is right now

E — is encouragement

These make up the framework of any resources that will come from Parenting Today. These four pillars are the essential ingredients for raising healthy children who will develop into capable young men and women.

Speaking of Professionalism in Speaking

Sieglinde Malmberg, chair of the CAPS Speaker’s School posted this and I want to make it available to you.

The Vancouver chapter of Canadian Association of Professional Speakers is hosting this speakers school event in April. It only happens once a year, so I thought I’d share with a few strategic people in my network that I think on a professional level should be there. Please pass along to any others that you know who may have shown an interest in developing the speaking/presenting side of their business as well! It’s a two day conference – but can be attended in its entirety, as a single day or a la cart. Fri Apr 26 is centered on your topic (find your passion, storytelling, crafting a keynote, building in interaction & participation). Sat Apr 27 is on the business of speaking (branding yourself, marketing, treating it like a business, writing & publishing your book). In a nutshell, it is structured to ramp up the speaking side of your consulting business, help you leverage speaking in your work, or to perhaps put you center stage in your next career step!

Frankly it was one of these events that I attended 5 years ago that really opened my eyes to developing this side of my business, so I wanted to share the opportunity with people on my LinkedIn connections that I thought could most benefit.

Please go to the CAPS Vancouver website for more information, or to register. Message me if you have questions. If you have ever thought about speaking about your passion, this event will launch you!

I am one lucky traveler. While many of my friends and colleagues got caught in the winter storms last week, I managed to fly into Toronto right after all the cancellations and also had no problems on the return. I was speaking in Mississauga to a group of terrific parents from the Dufferin-Peel Catholic District School District.

Speaking of travelling.  I will be in Ottawa  in early May.  If you would like to take advantage of my proximity, let me know and I would be thrilled to work with you and your staff.

 Spring Break is just around the corner and suddenly your teens are going to want to socialize every day and night.  And you will be worried. What are they getting up to?  Many parents are tempted to pry into their activities. You want to check the messages on their smartphones, read their email, and go through pockets and purses.

This is never a good idea. Trust your teens and they will prove worthy of your trust. When they know you don’t trust them, they are likely to prove you right.

You need to know where they are going, who they will be with, how and when they are getting home. Then relax and let them enjoy their break.

Do You Trust Your Teen?

 Trust is a huge issue between parents and teens. One the one hand they are our children and need rules and consequences. They need active parenting. On the other hand, they require increasing amounts of freedom and the chance to create their own identity and live their own lives.

It’s a constant conundrum and probably one of the major challenges to raising teens.

Teens need to know that they are trusted. We need to believe that we have raised them to know the difference between right and wrong and that we can let them go without constant surveillance. It is actually more difficult to trust our kids today because we have the technology to keep better track of them. But, we should not be using it.

The best way to let our kids know that we trust them is to tell them. Come right out and simply say the words.

When we let our teens make decisions for themselves they start to experience the independence they are working toward and will need if they are going to become capable young men and women. They need to separate from us. That need is so essential that if we don’t allow them to assert their independence they are likely to rebel. It simply makes more sense to allow our teen to choose her own CD and which movie to watch than to be dealing with a child who may rebel by using drugs or shoplifting.

When our children are going out for an evening it’s not a good idea to grill them on every little detail. But, we do need to know where they are going, whom they will be with and how they are getting home. Those three questions are basic. But when we continue with a barrage of questions about every little detail they become frustrated and angry and believe we don’t trust them at all.

The same is true when we grill them after they get home. Often it’s not about trust, it’s simple curiosity.  But it’s best to just welcome them home and let them decide what to tell you and what to withhold.

Allowing teens to make decisions is another way to demonstrate your trust. Let them determine when they will do their homework or when they are tired and ready for bed.

The more we demonstrate that we trust our teens the more they will be trustworthy because they won’t want to let us down.

I have heard parents say that their teens need to earn their trust. When you do that you are giving them the message that you believe that it is likely that they are fundamentally untrustworthy and they must prove themselves to you before you will trust them.

It should be the absolute opposite. Your teen needs to know with certainty that you trust him.

You let her know that you trust her, and you let her make more of her own decisions. You do not ask too many questions either before or after an event and you are not constantly checking up on her while she’s away.

As long as they come home on time and you have heard no reports of any trouble, trust that they are behaving in a way that is positive and trustworthy.

Everybody makes mistakes and teens are no exception. They may break the trust. The first step is to realize that this is not something they did to you – it’s not personal. It is simply an error and should be treated as such.

Deal with this situation, talk to him about why it is a problem and why there needs to be consequences.

But then life will go on and he will again be your trustworthy child.

Bottom line, teens who are trusted by caring parents generally behave in ways that are correct and appropriate.

Bringing Parenting Today to your event.

Parenting Today is keen to speak as part of your professional development event, parenting workshop or workplace wellness support program. I offer keynotes and workshops, have written books and have ongoing newspaper columns, books, blogs and newsletters. And, no matter what the actual topic, they all share a basic value that I call:

P.U.R.E. Parenting.

P — is a parenting plan

U — is unconditional love

R — is respect for your child as he is right now

E — is encouragement

These make up the framework of any resources that will come from Parenting Today. These four pillars are the essential ingredients for raising healthy children who will develop into capable young men and women.

I have two very different concepts for your consideration today. Most of us agree that hitting children just isn’t necessary, effective or even civil. But while we may want to formalize the end of physical punishment of children, many parents are still concerned about the criminalization of parents who do hit kids. So, today we talk about that. Let’s put those concerns to rest and get on with the real job, that of protecting our children from physical punishment.

For a second topic, I received a press release about opportunities for our University students who wish to study abroad. If your child is about to enter University and might want to try an international experience this information is for you and your child.

Dispelling the Arguments Against Banning Spanking

 Hitting kids just isn’t a good way to teach them how to behave. In 1978, when I first started my speaking business the idea that disciplinary tactics should not include physical punishment was almost revolutionary. But I felt that it was neither a necessary nor an effective way to discipline children.But today, increasingly we know and believe that we do not need to physically hurt children in order for them to learn right from wrong. Today’s parents have a host of skills and resources to help them raise children without using violence. The idea of hitting kids reflects an attitude toward children that no longer exists. The research is in. It shows that the risks of physical and psychological harm are definite. We now accept that children are not chattels; they are human beings who possess all of the basic human rights including freedom from physical harm.But, there are still questions that I hear about the topic. So, let’s address them. There are many who express the belief that spanking is not hitting. All I can answer to that is that any time an open hand moves with speed toward a body part, that is a slap or a whack. The fact that the body part is the bottom of a child is irrelevant. Hitting is hitting no matter what other names we give it, and if we believe that violence is never an answer, we won’t hit our children.What about the criminalization of well-meaning parents who hit a child? Section 43 of the criminal code states that “every schoolteacher, parent or person standing in the place of a parent is justified in using force by way of correction toward a pupil or child, as the case may be, who is under his care, if the force does not exceed what is reasonable under the circumstances.”  In my view this section is unnecessary to our criminal law because it exists simply to justify the physical punishment of children. For some parents it offers permission to hit kids.

Although banning spanking would mean that hitting children would fall in the same category as hitting adults and would therefore be an offence under the criminal code, it would rarely be prosecuted. Prosecution is only appropriate where it is in the public interest. Prosecutors have that discretion in deciding whether an offence should be prosecuted. In the case of the spanking of children, guidelines could require parenting education, parent support and guidance or a simple reminder that hitting children isn’t permitted in Canada.

Think about a situation in which a couple is in a major argument and one slaps the other. It’s not particularly serious and is a result of the heat of the moment. There is likely not going to be a charge of assault placed on the perpetrator.

What about using force to keep a child from harm? Would it be illegal to grab a toddler who is about to run onto the road? How about wrangling a preschooler into a car seat? Or taking the hand of a child to remove them from a classroom when they are disruptive? Consent to reasonable force can be either express or implied. It is express when, for example, written consent is given for a medical operation. It is implied when the person against whom the force is used would have consented, if competent to do so.

The common law has long recognized that parents and teachers may have to use reasonable force to remove a child from harm, put an unwilling child to bed, in a car seat, or on a school bus. These are common, child-caring actions for which the law implies consent on the part of the child. They are entirely different from hitting a child for correction and do not constitute an assault.

Over the years, the courts have adjusted the law to reduce the ways in which parents can hit their children. They can no longer use switches, paddles or belts, but only hit with an open hand. You can no longer hit a child on his head. And children under the age of two or over twelve are not to be hit.

Why won’t Canada join the more than thirty countries that have in one way or another stated that their children will not be physically harmed in the name of child discipline?

Our children deserve the best we can offer.  Positive discipline which never includes causing them physical pain but does teach them right from wrong will prepare them to become capable adults.

(There is more information on physical punishment and the research at http://www.repeal43.org and at http://www.cheo.on.ca/en/physicalpunishment)

 UNIVERSITIES FROM AROUND THE GLOBE SHOWCASE INTERNATIONAL PROGRAMS AT THE CROSS-CANADA STUDY AND GO ABROAD FAIR IN MARCH

As the trend towards “internationalizing” education in Canada continues, the Study and Go Abroad Fair, recognized as Canada’s largest international university and student travel expo, features a myriad of post-secondary studies from Certificate programs to Bachelor’s, Master’s and Doctorate degrees, as well as gap year and other student travel opportunities. The student expo will take place in Montreal on Saturday, March 2^nd, in Toronto on March 3^rd and in Vancouver on March 5^th, and admission is free of charge.

“Studying in a foreign country develops globally competent citizens, who are self-motivated, independent and able to easily adapt to different cultures and new situations. Companies looking to compete internationally are looking for people who can engage globally, and the skills developed while studying abroad can set you apart from your peers when applying for a job,” says Anita Kuehnel, Director of the Study and Go Abroad Fairs.

Visitors to the Study and Go Abroad Fair have an opportunity to meet face to face with universities from around the world to learn about admission requirements, scholarships, program choices and destinations. Universities, many of which rank in the Top 100 worldwide, will be showcasing programs in medicine, law, pharmacy, hotel management, business, technology, science, and culinary and liberal arts, among other fields. In the Travel Pavilion, student travel experts will be giving out information on working, volunteering and taking internships overseas.

The Study and Go Abroad Fair opens at 1pm in Montreal and Toronto and at 3pm in Vancouver, but visitors are encouraged to arrive an hour earlier to hear our guest speakers.  Information sessions will feature topics such as undergraduate and postgraduate study opportunities in Australia, the UK, and Switzerland, studying Medicine abroad, and working and volunteering in a foreign country.

Exhibitor profiles, scholarship information and seminar schedules for the STUDY AND GO ABROAD FAIR can be found online at www.studyandgoabroad.com, along with details of our Grand Prize Draw. Prizes include an international Air Canada flight, two return flights to Europe on Lufthansa, a volunteer trip to Nicaragua or Nepal and an iPad.

Bring Parenting Today to Your Community 

Parenting Today is keen to speak as part of your professional development event, parenting workshop or workplace wellness support program. I offer keynotes and workshops, have written books and have ongoing newspaper columns, books, blogs and newsletters. And, no matter what the actual topic, they all share a basic value that I call:

P.U.R.E. Parenting.

P — is a parenting plan

U — is unconditional love

R — is respect for your child as he is right now

E — is encouragement

These make up the framework of any resources that will come from Parenting Today. These four pillars are the essential ingredients for raising healthy children who will develop into capable young men and women.

I’m back from holidays. I had a wonderful rest, great time with my guy and the conviction that my golf game needs work.

Today we are going to talk about preschool. Believe it or not, preschools are now registering for the Fall. If your child is or will be preschool age, take a look at today’s article.

I also want to mention that I will be in Toronto at the end of the month and have some openings in my schedule. If you want to book a workshop with no travel costs, this is your chance.

Thinking About Preschool

 When should you be thinking about preschool for your child?  Believe it or not, the time is right now.  Preschools are enrolling children for September as we speak, so you want to do your homework and find the right spot for your child.

Are They Ready?

Doris and Michelle are both parents of two-year olds.  They’re neighbours and their children play together. Both children, Jasmine and Bradley, will be three this summer so their parents have been discussing pre-school.

Doris has decided that Jasmine is going to wait a year before starting, while Michelle is planning to register Bradley for the Fall.

What’s the difference?  These two children come from similar backgrounds, play together nicely and are almost the same age.

Doris explains that Jasmine just isn’t ready.  She plays comfortably with Bradley whom she knows well but is not good with groups of children.  Bradley, on the other hand, loves to be with groups of children and is bored with drop-in programs and swimming lessons.  He’s ready for more structure and independence.

When is comes to pre-school, age is not the only factor to consider.  Some three-year-olds are ready for structure, can move in groups without one-to-one adult attention and want activities that require more concentration.  Other children of the same age just aren’t ready.  Perfectly healthy babies may start to walk as early as eight months and others as late at sixteen months.  This variance in developmental readiness continues throughout childhood.

In the long run it’s better for a child to start a bit too late than too early. On the other hand, Jasmine’s mother would be wise to enroll her daughter now because by September she may be ready. But if September rolls around and she’s still not ready, it’s easy to release the spot for another child.

Children who are thrust into a pre-school or a Kindergarten environment before they’re ready, have a negative start to their schooling.  This can translate into hating school throughout the elementary and secondary years.

How do your know whether your child is ready?

Watch her when you go to drop-ins, take swimming classes or play with neighbor children.  Can she play without your constant attention?  Is she comfortable relating to other adults?  Can she participate is simple craft projects or singing games?

Most importantly, does she seem bored and ready for more stimulation and challenge?

If so, check out the pre-schools in your area.  If not, involve her in group activities that include you and are of shorter duration like at Family Place, swimming lessons or tiny tot gymnastics.

Pre-school should be an adventure with the normal mix of anxiety and excitement.  Once your child is ready, study the range of options, visit the schools. Talk to the teacher and other parents and watch your child reach a new level of independence and self-confidence.

Parent Participation Preschool

There are many choices of preschools and many offer a great experience for preschoolers. I’m a great supporter of parent participation preschools because they’re good for both preschoolers and their parents. These schools are also known in many regions as Co-operative preschools.

I can remember the days when my friends and I talked about our young children, sharing toilet training stories, first day of school and birthday parties. That was over thirty years ago. Now we talk about weddings, grandchildren and our children’s careers.

Different stories, but the same friends.  I met many of my friends while my children were in preschool, a parent participation preschool, to be exact.

Busy parents often find the concept of participating in their child’s preschool to be overwhelming and don’t even consider the option. Let me talk to you about the benefits.

Parent Participation Preschools are run by the parents. In these schools parents have the opportunity of having a say in the administration of the school, being with their child at preschool for a half-day once or twice a month and attending monthly meetings with other parents which offer free Parenting Education along with a business meeting.

Research shows that parent involvement is a major factor in child success. In my experience parents who start participating with their children at the preschool or daycare level continue to do so through elementary and high school.

The children are engaged in a quality program with a qualified teacher. Teachers who choose to teach in a parent participation school bring an appreciation for the role of parents into the school situation. They are not only committed to quality early childhood education, they are committed to partnering with parents to make the experience for all parties the best it can be.

Your involvement in the school will take into account your schedule and abilities. You’ll meet other parents who share many of your values about the importance of quality parenting, learn more about child-raising and work with like-minded and usually nice people toward joint goals. And, you will make friends for life.

Some of the advantages are:

• you have direct input into the running and philosophy of the preschool

• you can watch your child with others of the same age and see how he fits with his age group

• it’s less expensive

• you’ll meet other parents which reduces the isolation and loneliness often experienced by parents of preschoolers

• you’ll work with parents who share your basic philosophy of involvement with your child

• you’ll make lifetime friendships

• the teacher is readily available of for advice and information about your child.

Check out your local area and find the preschools closest to you.

Bringing Parenting Today to your event.

Parenting Today is keen to speak as part of your professional development event, parenting workshop or workplace wellness support program. I offer keynotes and workshops, have written books and have ongoing newspaper columns, books, blogs and newsletters. And, no matter what the actual topic, they all share a basic value that I call:

P.U.R.E. Parenting.

P — is a parenting plan

U — is unconditional love

R — is respect for your child as he is right now

E — is encouragement

These make up the framework of any resources that will come from Parenting Today. These four pillars are the essential ingredients for raising healthy children who will develop into capable young men and women.

How to Stop the Endless Bickering.

My four-year-old son and six-year-old daughter bicker constantly. It’s driving me nuts. “She got more cereal than me.” “He took the special spoon.”They argue over every little thing. What can I do to help them get along better?

Siblings arguing, bickering and quarrelling is the complaint of almost every parent with more than one child.  Those with only one child complain that they bicker with friends and with them.

They do it because it works.  There’s nothing as compelling as that high pitched yell, “Mom, he won’t let me…” to make you come running to fix the problem.  Children want our attention and they learn early that fighting is the quickest and surest way to get us involved.  We may try to reason, we may join the fray by taking sides, we may act as judge and jury as we try to determine who did what to whom and who did it first.  Whatever our reaction, they are getting our attention and it’s often quite entertaining for the kids.

The best solution is to refuse to participate. This doesn’t mean we ignore the chaos.  If we’ve come running every time they yell, they have a right to expect that we’ll continue to do so.  We need to wean them off our automatic presence.  So although we appear, we do so in a calm and uninvolved manner.

If they’re fighting over a toy, we can simply remove it and in a quiet voice say that they can have it back when they figure out a solution.  Meanwhile, if they want to join you folding laundry you could use the help.

Later, when everything is calmer, you can help negotiate solutions to ongoing conflict areas.  Let them come to solutions.  If they’re truly stuck you can offer some suggestions: “How would it work if you took turns?”  The more involvement they have, the more likely they are to follow through with the plan.

When they bicker about who got more cereal, simply shrug.  If you refuse to engage in the discussion, it will die.  So a simple, “is that right?” followed by “Oh well, that’s life” defuses a potential ongoing argument.

If you want more information there is an MP3 on my website. Called “Stop It, You Two!” http://www.parentingtoday.ca/store/) it will give you many more hints and tips about this common problem.

A Short Break

I am going to take a short break and take a holiday. My colleague, Pat Katz, has through her fine example taught me that going on holidays but also working is not a holiday. It might be a change, a break and even a rest but not a real holiday. So, my next newsletter will be later than usual. Meanwhile, come and visit my website, read past articles and don’t forget to hug a kid.

Bringing Parenting Today to your event.

Parenting Today is keen to speak as part of your professional development event, parenting workshop or workplace wellness support program. I offer keynotes and workshops, have written books and have ongoing newspaper columns, books, blogs and newsletters. And, no matter what the actual topic, they all share a basic value that I call:

P.U.R.E. Parenting.

P — is a parenting plan

U — is unconditional love

R — is respect for your child as he is right now

E — is encouragement

These make up the framework of any resources that will come from Parenting Today. These four pillars are the essential ingredients for raising healthy children who will develop into capable young men and women.

I will be in Toronto at the end of February and would love to work with you as part of that trip. Please contact me to arrange and booking.