We are also teaching our girls that they can be physically active and participate in any sport or activity they wish. We want them to see themselves as healthy and beautiful no matter what their size.

And then, someone creates a ridiculous and pathetic sport called Lingerie Football.  I can’t even begin to list the negative message this is giving our young girls. I can’t even begin to imagine what the young woman who are participating are thinking.

This is not sport, unless sexual posturing in public is a sport.

Come and read the article by Daphne Brahman in today’s Vancouver Sun.

Then comment. What do you think?

I have not read the book but in reading the articles I found myself thinking about the years we lived in Quebec. Our family lived in Western Quebec while the children were in elementary school. My kids had friends who were Francophone and Anglophone. And I can tell you that I immediately knew which culture any given child came from before he opened his mouth.

The English speaking kids would want to go directly to the child’s bedroom or playroom and spend the entire visit playing with them. The French speaking kids would come into the kitchen and start to visit. The English kids were used to sticking to their own age group. The French kids assumed they were visiting everyone in the house.

It was an interesting distinction to observe.

What do we want for our kids?

Should we have our children eating holiday meals at a children’s table? I don’t think so. I believe that when we include all ages around the same table, our kids learn table manners, how to socialize and feel connected.

When we are having a multi-generational gathering should we shoo the kids off to another room or place or allow them the join us or move to the other place when and if the spirit moves them to move on? If they can join other generations, they will learn manners, how to socialize and feel connected. They will know that when they want to engage in more rambunctious play, they should then go elsewhere. It’s simply polite.

What if we were to teach our kids the expected protocols and expectations when they are socializing rather than avoid the issue by simply not including them with the older folks?

It’s a thought.

What do you do? What do you think?

I also say, “If we want our kids to grow up to be self-sufficient and independent with good problem-solving skills, play is the place to start.” So today, we will talk about play.

But first, I have enjoyed reading your comments from my newsletters and blogs. I invite all of you to participate in the conversation. What do your kids like to play? What are the best toys? Just comment at the end of this newsletter or any of my posts on the website.

The Early Years Conference in Vancouver was a great experience. I presented my workshop, Making Sense of Physical Punishment to an engaged, informed and interactive group. I also was thrilled to meet a range of people from across the country who work with children in the early years.

I am looking forward to going to Las Vegas in early March, to Ottawa in May, very possibly a trip to Calgary in the late Spring. I will be in Washington state and Oregon in August and Winnipeg in December. If you have an event around these time and would like to take advantage of my travels please contact me. I’d love to work with you.

And now, let’s play.

Just Let Them Play

“Mom I’m going to the park with Jason.”

“Okay dear. Dinner is at six.”

Michael and Jason head off to the park where they meet up with six other kids and soon they are having a great time kicking a soccer ball around the field.

Sounds surreal, doesn’t it?

Instead of sending kids out to play, we are structuring and organizing their activity. But our kids simply need to go to the park with other kids and play.

Often, when we talk about kids becoming more active we look to organized sports. Problem is that organized, team sports should be a small part of a growing child’s experience. Team sports are great. They teach skills specific to the sport, how to follow orders, how to work as part of a group, how to take turns and how to win or lose as a team. They develop values of loyalty and cooperation as well as team building.

But, kids need daily exercise. They need a variety of physical experiences and they need to get involved in these kinds of activities without the structure of a class. First, most kids should physically get themselves to school. If all kids walked or took the city bus to school, they would have the company of other kids. Most of us have heard of a walking school bus. An adult starts at the beginning of a pre-determined route picking up kids and she goes along. That’s a good place to start, but it should be seen as a training tool. Once kids know how to walk safely between home and school they need to do it on their own.

The walk to school is a time for them to bond with their peers. It’s a time to experience the thrill of independence found in being able to navigate the route from home to school. And it’s a time to look around and discover their neighbourhood. None of this happens when there is an adult in charge.

During school hours they need exercise. Let’s re-visit daily physical education for students at all levels. It won’t diminish their academic career; in fact kids who participate in physical education do at least as well if not better than the kids who focus totally on academics. And they learn that being physically active is an important part of being healthy.

After school and on weekends they need a whole range of activities. Supervised and structured activities are not enough. Participating in a team sport is an important part of child development, but free, unstructured play is more important.

According to early childhood educators at Lethbridge Community College the key elements of play are that it is voluntary, intrinsically motivated and is freely chosen. The child controls the activities. It is pleasurable, spontaneous and enjoyable. In other words free play. And that’s exactly what happens every day in our back yards and at the park. It allows the child to test her abilities, to flex her muscles and be creative.

Kids are couch potatoes because we aren’t opening our doors and letting them outside. Of course, we need to street-proof our kids but that’s always been the case. It was true in the 50s when I was running free with my friends and it’s true today.

If we get all our children outdoors playing, then they will be in a group and we will see a healthier, happier group of children. And what’s wrong with that?

I also say, “Play is the essence of childhood. If we want our kids to grow up to be self-sufficient and independent with good problem-solving skills, play is the place to start.” So today, we will talk about play.

But first, I have enjoyed reading your comments from my newsletters and blogs. I invite all of you to participate in the conversation. What do your kids like to play? What are the best toys? Just comment at the end of this newsletter or any of my posts on the website.

The Early Years Conference in Vancouver was a great experience. I presented my workshop, Making Sense of Physical Punishment to an engaged, informed and interactive group. I also was thrilled to meet a range of people from across the country who work with children in the early years.

I am looking forward to going to Las Vegas in early March, to Ottawa in May, very possibly a trip to Calgary in the late Spring. I am also going to be in Washington state and Oregon in August and to Winnipeg in December. If you have an event around these time and would like to take advantage of my travels please contact me. I’d love to work with you.

And now, let’s play.

Just Let Them Play

“Mom I’m going to the park with Jason.”

“Okay dear. Dinner is at six”

Michael and Jason head off to the park where they meet up with six other kids and soon they are having a great time kicking a soccer ball around the field.

Sounds surreal, doesn’t it?

Instead of sending kids out to play, we are structuring and organizing their activity. But our kids simply need to go to the park with other kids and play.

Often, when we talk about kids becoming more active we look to organized sports. Problem is that organized, team sports should be a small part of a growing child’s experience. Team sports are great. They teach skills specific to the sport, how to follow orders, how to work as part of a group, how to take turns and how to win or lose as a team. They develop values of loyalty and cooperation as well as team building.

But, kids need daily exercise. They need a variety of physical experiences and they need to get involved in these kinds of activities without the structure of a class. First, most kids should physically get themselves to school. If all kids walked or took the city bus to school, they would have the company of other kids. Most of us have heard of a walking school bus. An adult starts at the beginning of a pre-determined route picking up kids and she goes along. That’s a good place to start, but it should be seen as a training tool. Once kids know how to walk safely between home and school they need to do it on their own.

The walk to school is a time for them to bond with their peers. It’s a time to experience the thrill of independence found in being able to navigate the route from home to school. And it’s a time to look around and discover their neighbourhood. None of this happens when there is an adult in charge.

During school hours they need exercise. Let’s re-visit daily physical education for students at all levels. It won’t diminish their academic career; in fact kids who participate in physical education do at least as well if not better than the kids who focus totally on academics. And they learn that being physically active is an important part of being healthy.

After school and on weekends they need a whole range of activities. Supervised and structured activities are not enough. Participating in a team sport is an important part of child development, but free, unstructured play is more important.

According to early childhood educators at Lethbridge Community College the key elements of play are that it is voluntary, intrinsically motivated and is freely chosen. The child controls the activities. It is pleasurable, spontaneous and enjoyable. In other words free play. And that’s exactly what happens every day in our back yards and at the park. It allows the child to test her abilities, to flex her muscles and be creative.

Kids are couch potatoes because we aren’t opening our doors and letting them outside. Of course, we need to street-proof our kids but that’s always been the case. It was true in the 50s when I was running free with my friends and it’s true today.

If we get all our children outdoors playing, then they will be in a group and we will see a healthier, happier group of children. And what’s wrong with that?

In an article in the Globe and Mail, Leah Eichler says, “while many women seek a balance between their work and personal lives, increasingly, so do men.”

And so we see more options for parents to be productive and work and at home. And the reality it, the better the arrangements for the employee, the more productive they are. So everybody wins.

But, there is another step that is often missing and that is support and skills training for the parent. The more parents know about child raising them more effective they are in the workplace.

For example, a parent who has a good handle on how to motivate a toddler in the morning will have a more relaxed time and arrive at work focused and ready to tackle the day’s assignments. If the morning, however, is a series of mishaps making getting Junior fed, dressed and off to daycare a nightmare, the parent employee will arrive frazzled.

Beyond Childcare is a program designed for family friendly workplaces to offer the answers to parenting problems. The following article is the sort of resource which you can use to support the parents in your workplace to arrive at the office or plant ready to work.

What’s the Plan?

An average morning in many households will see parents trying

• to wrestle two-year-old Justin into his clothing,

• to help eight-year-old Melissa find her backpack,

• to stay cool while eleven-year-old Nicola decides what to wear, and

• to get sixteen-year-old Julian out of bed.

One of the most effective ways to deal with getting yourself and your children out of the house, off to school and work in a good mood is to plan. And now’s the time to think of it. Be proactive.

What is your plan for making school day mornings positive?

Think about it. How were your mornings last year? Did you and the kids leave the house calm, happy and on-time? Or was it a madhouse of yelling, running late and madly trying to find backpacks?

Okay, I know. It was somewhere in between and the image of every morning being one of bliss and tranquility is a nice picture, a great goal and not likely to happen every day. But, what’s wrong with trying?

Children function best when there is a routine. Even your teens, who are particularly grumpy in the morning, benefit from a plan. As a matter of fact, the more you hate mornings, no matter what your age, the easier it can be with a plan. Then you can simply sleepwalk through the steps and at the end of it walk out the door ready to face the day.

There is no right routine, only the one that works best for you.

Many families find that doing some preparation in the evening is a lifesaver. Having breakfast ready to go, cereal and bowls on the table, coffee ready at the flick of the switch, and juice ready to pour.

The same works with lunch. Having all the ingredients ready to be put together for lunch beats staring at the fridge trying to figure out what to prepare. School-age kids can make their own lunch with some guidelines about the variety of foods they need select.

You can lay out clothing the night before and have backpacks filled and waiting at the door.

Get up a bit earlier. Get up, shower and dress in quiet and comfort before the children are out of bed. The few minutes of lost sleep are worth it. You may even get to have your coffee before you leave for work.

Leave the TV turned off. Kids do not need to watch TV before they head to school. It’s distracting and causes them to want to sit and watch rather than get ready for the day. I have heard of some families who play rousing music in the morning to get everyone going.

There are lots of little ways to make mornings work for you. Think about your family, think about the morning moments that are pure hell and then plan to avoid those moments.

Involve the whole family in the plan and be prepared to make adjustments in the first weeks of school.

It won’t be perfect. But, you can decide that you are going to arrive at work in a good mood ready to work and your children are likewise going to head to school in a good mood ready to learn.

But before we take a look at that issue; what has Parenting Today been talking about and have you been listening? Between these regular e-zines, I often blog about issues that concern or interest me. For example,Does Your Workplace Honour Your Parenting Role?or Why Can Waiting for Service Be a Bonus or Should Modern Family Have Run the Cussing Episode?

All these topics have been posted since our last regular article.  If you want to know when there is a new blog, simply follow me on twitter.

I am looking forward to speaking at the Early Years Conference on the topic Making Sense of Physical Punishment and I will offering the Beyond Childcare program for my workplace-based clients.

And now, what about our teenagers?

Is On-Line the New Place for Teens to Hang Out?

Teenagers, busy becoming adults spend hours talking to each other. It used to be that the major concern for parents was how much time kids spent hanging out at the park, at the local restaurant, in the mall. When they weren’t worried about that, it was how much time they spend on the phone.

Now, it’s how much time they spend on-line. And according to Dr, Danah Boyd, senior researcher at Microsoft, an assistant professor at New York University and a widely respected figure in social media research, parents have it wrong. Kids today are simple doing what they have always done; they are just doing it on-line.

“Children’s ability to roam has basically been destroyed,” says Boyd.

So let’s take a look at what’s going on. Think about it, who did you talk to when you were a teen and how did it happen? I remember lots of time on the city bus going to and from school, a local restaurant called Andy’s, going for walks along the Glenmore Dam with a friend (in Calgary and before it was developed), and on the phone.  Teens have always congregated to chat, flirt, and study.

And teens have always kept their conversations with their peers private. Generations of parents have wondered what their kids are talking about. Well, just like us, some of it is silly, some benign, some about school and some serious issues about sexuality, divorce or financial problems.

Ironically, the Internet, which has so many parents concerned may just have more answers and support for kids that any past generation. For example, a bullied gay teen can go to YouTube and hear that it does get better and this may be just what he needs.

Of course, if a teen is in trouble we want them to go to the appropriate place for help. But again, this is not any different from what our parents wanted for us.

The point is, that the Internet is simply where kids hang out today. It is our job to pay attention, to listen to our kids when they do speak to us, to notice changes in our teen’s behavior which could indicate a problem.

Teens today are using technology the way we used face-to-face conversations.

The trick is to get past the anxiety about technology, learn how your kids are using it, be accessible to them and offer the same support and guidance you needed when you were a teen.

For those who missed the episode the challenge was that one of her parents laughed and the other was concerned. For the record, she actually said ‘fudge’ and it was not only bleeped out, her mouth was covered.

Okay, so is this a topic for mainstream, comedy television?

Of course it is. It’s an issue all parents face at some point. And as Himpe, the interviewer of the radio show today noted, it has created good discussion among parents in all sorts of places.

My problem was the resolution of the problem which showed the little girl cussing, during a wedding and it became hilarious. It’s funny. And it’s true; it can be cute when a charming two-year-old drops a cuss word she doesn’t understand into the conversation. And the more laughs she gets, the more she will swear.

It becomes less cute when she’s four and creates problems when she’s six.

Television has a problem balancing humour and reality and responsibility. Is making swearing cute and funny a good role for family sit-coms to be taking?

Of course, the other obvious question is where did she learn the word? Two-year-olds learn language by mimicking what they hear from those around them. Just wondering.

So the questions are:

Should the show have been more responsible in the resolution of the issue?

Should they have abandoned the cussing episode all together?

What do you think?

That’s when I realized this was a gift. I pulled out my cell phone and opened the book I was currently reading. It was so neat. I had been reading this book on my iPad and now here I was, carrying on with the same book, different screen.

How often during the day do you have an opportunity to simply sit and read? What a gift! When my name was called I was almost disappointed.

One of my friends tells me she even reads while standing in line at the grocery store. It’s a new world.

So now, you know about this gift. What are you going to read? Did you know that my parenting books, Who’s In Charge Anyway? and But Nobody Told Me I’d Ever Have to Leave Home are in digital format.

You can simply go to my site and download and be reading in minutes.

Use the free time you are give when you are waiting on the phone, at a government office, a medical appointment, in the airport or at the store.

The books can be read on Kindle, iPad, iPod or smart phone.

You may find yourself hoping to have to wait. Where do you find yourself reading?

My response was that while children’s developmental needs have not changed, the culture in which they are being raised has shifted.

There is the question of technology, the considerations of safety and the reality of dual income families. It’s the latter that’s on my agenda for this posting.

Unlike past generations today’s parents are not hanging out in the community, they are in the workplace. And the primary goal of any workplace is productivity from the employees.

There was a time when we suggested that parents should leave all their considerations about their children at home as soon as they came to work. It didn’t work.

No matter what, parenting is a 24/7 concern.
But, a parent who has a parenting plan is in control of their child raising responsibilities and has the skills and information they need to facilitate this job will simply do better at work. So let’s take a look and work-life programs and parent needs.

What’s Missing in Work-life Balance Programs?

There are books, articles, workshops and coaches all focused on work/life balance. It’s a huge and important topic, but at some level essentially flawed.

Generally the work-life material that I have seen looks at topics such as simplifying, prioritizing, organizing and self-care. These are all important considerations for those fighting the home and work battle. The days of believing that Moms could do it all, be it all and have it all are dead. Thank goodness! So what’s the problem?

Dual Career

Today Mom and Dad are increasingly parenting children while each holds down a salaried position. In the past we determined that parenting and parenting materials were primarily for women. That’s not so today as we are seeing increasing numbers of young Dads actively raising kids.

Parenting is a career. Each parent has a paid job of some sort and they also parent. They are both dual career people. Parenting is a career and one for which we need training.

We can organize our lives, delegate tasks, outsource some chores and make sure to have some time to look after ourselves but if we only have training for our salaried job and not for the unpaid parenting job, we’re lost. If you went to work and tried to figure out how to do your job by trial and error drawing on your life experiences how well do you think it would go?

Parenting Education

You can’t balance two jobs if you’re only trained for one of them. When workplace wellness includes support for parents, the employees function better. Programs such as part-time, flextime and tele-commuting are beneficial for parents. They offer a way to balance time, but not how to raise kids.  That requires training for the job.

Parenting workshops, articles, tips and email support are some of the ways the workplace can recognize the importance of the child-raising job held by many of their employees. The more these parents know about how to do their job and also achieve success at home, the more effective they will be in the workplace.

With skills and strategies for effective child-raising they can get organized, can delegate tasks at home which are developmentally appropriate and relax knowing that for the most part they have a handle on both their jobs, at work and at home. And then we see a chance to balance work and family.

What Can it Look Like?

Balancing work and family programs help employees set priorities, plan realistically and choose the programs that work for them. The response by many leaders in the workplace was the development of workshops on topics such as time management, nutrition and parenting.

These represent a recognition that training and information need to be partnered with other programs to make a work/life balance possible.

Parenting workshops and support seem to be difficult to implement. Although we know that child-raising is the most important job in the world, we are still unclear on the concept that like any other career, parenting is one for which we need training.

More importantly, when parents know about child development, when they have a handle on child discipline, when they are comfortable communicating with their kids, they are better employees. They arrive in the morning calm and ready to work, their work time is productive, and they are comfortable and happy in their role as parent and thus can focus on their paid employment.

Today’s young professionals have decided that they will work hard but they will also have a life. They are insisting that their benefits programs include recognition that they have a full life outside of the workplace. And the workplace that honours that will find that they can recruit the best people, that they will see an increase in employee retention and loyalty and that their employees will have fewer sick days, be focused on their job while at work and will suffer less stress and anxiety.

And what do parents think about workplace-based programs. When I was leading a workshop in one workplace the participants told me they brag to their friends about how their employer treats them. They truly appreciate the support they get as parents and therefore, are loyal and production workers.

After one workshop, I received this email:

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that the parenting seminar was fantastic.  Other attendees agreed as well. I thought the things she went over…really built my confidence in terms of managing difficult situations/people/family. Loved it

Raising kids is one of the greatest challenges for those trying to achieve a balance between home and work. The workplaces that recognize that will be the winners, as will their employees and the next generation of workers, their children.

Does your workplace honour your role as a parent? If they do, how do you respond?

My response was that while children’s developmental needs have not changed, the culture in which they are being raised has shifted.

There is the question of technology, the considerations of safety and the reality of dual income families. It’s the latter that’s on my agenda for this posting.

Unlike past generations today’s parents are not hanging out in the community, they are in the workplace. And the primary goal of any workplace is productivity from the employees.

There was a time when we suggested that parents should leave all their considerations about their children at home as soon as they came to work. It didn’t work.

No matter what, parenting is a 24/7 concern.
But, a parent who has a parenting plan is in control of their child raising responsibilities and has the skills and information they need to facilitate this job will simply do better at work. So let’s take a look and work-life programs and parent needs.

What’s Missing in Work-life Balance Programs?

There are books, articles, workshops and coaches all focused on work/life balance. It’s a huge and important topic, but at some level essentially flawed.

Generally the work-life material that I have seen looks at topics such as simplifying, prioritizing, organizing and self-care. These are all important considerations for those fighting the home and work battle. The days of believing that Moms could do it all, be it all and have it all are dead. Thank goodness! So what’s the problem?

Dual Career

Today Mom and Dad are increasingly parenting children while each holds down a salaried position. In the past we determined that parenting and parenting materials were primarily for women. That’s not so today as we are seeing increasing numbers of young Dads actively raising kids.

Parenting is a career. Each parent has a paid job of some sort and they also parent. They are both dual career people. Parenting is a career and one for which we need training.

We can organize our lives, delegate tasks, outsource some chores and make sure to have some time to look after ourselves but if we only have training for our salaried job and not for the unpaid parenting job, we’re lost. If you went to work and tried to figure out how to do your job by trial and error drawing on your life experiences how well do you think it would go?

Parenting Education

You can’t balance two jobs if you’re only trained for one of them. When workplace wellness includes support for parents, the employees function better. Programs such as part-time, flextime and tele-commuting are beneficial for parents. They offer a way to balance time, but not how to raise kids.  That requires training for the job.

Parenting workshops, articles, tips and email support are some of the ways the workplace can recognize the importance of the child-raising job held by many of their employees. The more these parents know about how to do their job and also achieve success at home, the more effective they will be in the workplace.

With skills and strategies for effective child-raising they can get organized, can delegate tasks at home which are developmentally appropriate and relax knowing that for the most part they have a handle on both their jobs, at work and at home. And then we see a chance to balance work and family.

What Can it Look Like?

Balancing work and family programs help employees set priorities, plan realistically and choose the programs that work for them. The response by many leaders in the workplace was the development of workshops on topics such as time management, nutrition and parenting.

These represent a recognition that training and information need to be partnered with other programs to make a work/life balance possible.

Parenting workshops and support seem to be difficult to implement. Although we know that child-raising is the most important job in the world, we are still unclear on the concept that like any other career, parenting is one for which we need training.

More importantly, when parents know about child development, when they have a handle on child discipline, when they are comfortable communicating with their kids, they are better employees. They arrive in the morning calm and ready to work, their work time is productive, and they are comfortable and happy in their role as parent and thus can focus on their paid employment.

Today’s young professionals have decided that they will work hard but they will also have a life. They are insisting that their benefits programs include recognition that they have a full life outside of the workplace. And the workplace that honours that will find that they can recruit the best people, that they will see an increase in employee retention and loyalty and that their employees will have fewer sick days, be focused on their job while at work and will suffer less stress and anxiety.

And what do parents think about workplace-based programs. When I was leading a workshop in one workplace the participants told me they brag to their friends about how their employer treats them. They truly appreciate the support they get as parents and therefore, are loyal and production workers.

After one workshop, I received this email:

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that the parenting seminar was fantastic.  Other attendees agreed as well. I thought the things she went over…really built my confidence in terms of managing difficult situations/people/family. Loved it

Raising kids is one of the greatest challenges for those trying to achieve a balance between home and work. The workplaces that recognize that will be the winners, as will their employees and the next generation of workers, their children.

Does your workplace honour your role as a parent? If they do, how do you respond?